The Breakdown
by Purple Eyed Aggie
Summary: 2010 Summer Challange:Callen never really had anything against anyone he worked with at NCIS; they were his surrogate family in most ways. But, sometimes, when Nate put on his psychologist mask, things weren't all cotton candy and fluffy bunnies…
1. Chapter 1:The Art of Deception

Disclaimer: I own no one

A very special heartfelt thank you to angelprincesslilac who not only edited, but helped me to develop my ideas and make my story sound better!

Summary: Callen never really had anything against anyone he worked with at NCIS; they were his surrogate family in most ways. But, sometimes, when Nate put on his psychologist mask, things weren't all cotton candy and fluffy bunnies…

Chapter 1: The Art of Deception

"Callen, it's that lovely time again. Psych evaluations and you're first on my list." Nate said, striding to meet Callen outside of the Bull Pen. He was doing his best to sound nonchalant, but, to be honest, he was feeling pretty tense. He always enjoyed delving into peoples' minds and finding out things nobody else knew. It was one of the reasons he loved his job. But Callen's mind was a scary place and, even if he was allowed in—which, since Keelson, he was wondering if it would ever happen again—he was a little nervous about what he might find.

Callen glanced up from gathering his keys from his desk. "Sorry, Nate, I'm about to go undercover for Vance." Callen began walking toward the door. "Maybe later." Callen called over his shoulder as he headed out the front door and hopped into his car.

As Callen started his car, he gritted his teeth. Was it really that time again? He pulled his car onto the street heading away from Headquarters as fast as he could, legally. He thought about his rough brush-off of the Psychologist. It wasn't that he personally had anything against Nate. Nate Getz was a great guy. But, he'd never been the talking type. "Never have been, never will be." He muttered under his breath as he merged onto the freeway. It wasn't like he was putting Nate off for no reason. He really _was_ going undercover for Director Vance… Callen exhaled his frustration and pushed the car faster, on his way to once again retreat from who he was and become someone it was just a little easier to be.

* * *

Callen stood at the curb in front of a rather strange-looking, yellow Victorian house that appeared as though it belonged in a Dr. Seuss book. He was deep in thought about this case which seemed to him like some twisted fairytale more than a murder investigation. Lieutenant Reggie Wood had worked in Navy Intel. His murder, once returning home, had left question as to if Navy Intelligence had been compromised in any way. It had been the reason Director Vance had contacted G personally to go undercover alone to see if the prime suspect was the right suspect.

The sound of a door opening pulled him from his trance. He looked up to see an elderly woman, probably around the age of sixty-five, with white-grey hair, dressed in a bright red Christmas sweater, despite the fact that it's June, fiddling with the lock on the front door. Callen recognized his opportunity to introduce himself. He walked towards her carefully, and, in an attempt to make his presence known without startling the poor women, Callen quietly cleared his throat and began to speak softly.

"Ma'am…"

At the sound of his voice, the elderly lady tensed and upon turning and seeing him placed a hand upon her heart and declared, "You startled me, lad. What can I do for you?"

"I was looking for Ms. Caroline Wood and was wondering if you might be her." Callen responded with his most gentlemanly voice.

"Yes, I am Caroline Wood. Now, should I recognize you?" She gave Callen a puzzled look.

"I don't really know how to say this, Ma'am, but I am… was… a friend of Reggie's. When we were over in Iraq, he made me promise I'd keep an eye on you if anything happened to him. I swore I would… I just never imagined that I'd ever have the opportunity to make good on my promise after we got back safely a few months ago." Callen could see the tears pooling in the women's eyes and he felt a twinge of regret for lying to her like this, but it needed to be done and he couldn't let her affect him.

"Oh dear," She sputtered before her tears spilled over. The women began to cry. "Please, do come in and sit down." Her hands were shaking so badly she couldn't even manage to unlock the door.

Callen gently took the keys from her hand and opened it for her. "I don't want to interfere with your day, Ma'am. If you have somewhere to be… I just wanted to let you know who I am and offer assistance for anything you might need."

"It's quite alright, son. I was merely going to run a few errands, but they can wait. I don't believe I caught your name?" Her voice was a little shaky, but she appeared to be regaining some sort of composure.

"I apologize, Ma'am, I'm Lieutenant Michael Walker." Callen lied with ease. It wasn't hard for him to pretend to be someone he wasn't when he barely knew who he was to begin with. Never had been.

"Please, call me Ms. Caroline. Would you like anything to drink? I have some lemonade and cookies in the kitchen. Reggie always loved it when I had something for him when… when he came home and…and…I just keep thinking he will." Her last words were barely audible through her choking sobs.

Callen just stood and let her grieve. When she had started to calm down he tenderly led her over to the couch and sat down beside her. They talked about nothing for a while, then Callen gave her his phone number and told her to call him if she needed anything. After a few more minutes of small talk and some teary hugs, he got in his car and headed back to Headquarters.

As he was driving, he began to think about the meeting he was going to have with Nate when he got back. He just wasn't ready for that. Shrugging off the feelings that Ms. Caroline had pulled him through was harder than that sort of thing used to be. All he knew is he didn't want to see Nate again for the next few months.

* * *

As irked as he was with Callen for brushing him off first thing in the morning, Nate had to admit he was relieved to have some time to figure out what he was going to say. He didn't even know where to start. He knew so little about the real Callen to begin with. Adding in that recent event that had exploded with the realizations of Callen's lost sister and a behind-the-scenes "watcher", Nate was at a bit of a disadvantage these days. It didn't matter how often he'd met with Callen in the past, the results were close to the same each time. An awkward period of silence, then Nate would ask a question, Callen's eyes would become steel barriers and he would mutter something completely generic and impersonal and then almost glare at Nate, just to make sure the Psychologist knew exactly what he thought of their chats. It was either that or the equally hard eyes with sarcastic remarks that fed on each word that exited Nate's mouth. He didn't take it personally, that was just Callen. Nate had learned more about Callen during Sam's evaluations than he did during Callen's. But even Sam, who was Callen's best friend, barely knew anything about what lurked behind Callen's iron-clad exterior.

He managed to work through everyone else's evaluations while Callen was gone, even Eric's—which was always amusing, since he barely understood what the computer genius was saying when he started talking techi.

He sat in the Bull Pen waiting for Callen's return and trying to decide whether it was worth it to force Callen to talk to him this time around, or if he should just let him slide and call things done. He had been forced to let Callen slide right after the Keelson drama—_that_ post eval had been a complete disaster that both he and Callen would like to forget ever happened. That particular evaluation had felt to Nate like trying to pull a cat's teeth minus some kind of tranquilizing agent. Both he and Callen had smarted after that one.

But this time… For some reason, Nate felt compelled to not let Callen simply brush this off. It was for his own good. After everything that had happened to G with the fake Amy Callen, Nate just felt like it was time Callen started opening up. He was honestly getting seriously worried about him.

Half-way through his strategizing session, Callen walked in, looking uneasy. Nate decided in an instant that it was a good time to do the evaluation, as horrible as it seemed: if Callen's emotions were out of whack when he interviewed him, it would most likely be easier to get him to talk.

"Callen," Nate had to jog a little to keep up with Callen because he was walking at such a fast pace. "I still need to do your psyche eval and Hetty wants them in by today. You know she hates waiting…" Trying to lighten his request, Nate added, "You wouldn't make me make her wait… would you?"

"Sorry, Nate, in the middle of a case. Where is Sam?" Callen responded, sounded pretty peeved.

"Callen, we need to do this. _You_ need to do this. I just want to help you." Nate said, tone practically pleading.

Callen turned and glared at Nate.

Nate felt the intimidation that Callen was laying on him. He shrank back from him.

"Nate, I am in the middle of a case. We will do this later." Callen's voice was so icy; Nate decided to let it go. For now.


	2. Chapter 2:I Don't Feel

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and favorites my story, you guys make it all worth while!

Another thank you to my beta, Angela, without your serious editing/rewriting super powers, my fic wouldn't be half as good.

* * *

Chapter 2:I Don't Feel

"Sam, I need your insight on this case." Callen said, entering Eagle's Nest. He was trying to keep his voice even and hide his agitation. It didn't work.

"Whoa, G, what's got you so worked up?" Sam asked with a smile. It wasn't an actual question. Sam had a pretty good idea: he'd just finished his psych evaluation and Nate had mentioned that he still needed to talk with G.

"Hilarious, Sam. But I am serious, I need some help." G stopped near the chair Sam was using, motioning with his right hand as he spoke. "I can't figure out how this old woman could be the prime suspect in our murder investigation. She loved Reggie and does _not_ seem like the murdering type… She's too… sweet."

"Since when have you thought the best of people? You're the one who always tells me that people aren't always who they appear to be." Sam was trying to sound sarcastic, but he wasn't completely joking. He was suddenly worried that after everything that had happened a few, short weeks ago with Keelson, Callen was becoming too emotionally involved in this case.

"I just have a feeling we are missing something." Callen paced a few steps, arms crossed, staring at the floor. "Reggie's life was a fairytale. He loved his grandmother, she raised him after his mother died and he took care of her." Callen looked back at Sam. "She has no motive." Callen's voice had just the slightest tone of pleading, like he was begging Sam to agree.

Sam, almost painfully, changed the subject: "G, have you talked to Nate yet?"

The sudden change in G's demeanor was dark, and almost scary. "Why is everyone so convinced that I _have_ to talk about my feelings? Maybe I don't have feelings!" G finished in a yell, effectively ending the conversation by turning and heading for the door. Callen had never raised his voice at Sam like that before.

"G, you know that isn't what I meant. G!" Sam yelled after him as Callen stormed out, right past Nate who was coming up to see what the loud outburst was about.

* * *

Nate had been pondering what he could do about Callen's stubbornness when he heard a loud voice coming from Eagle's Nest. The only people up there where Callen, Sam, and Eric, and Nate was pretty sure Eric didn't know how to raise his voice. He decided he better go check it out, but when he got to the top of the stairs Callen was rushing out in anger, leaving no invitation for anyone to follow him. Entering Eagle's Nest, he saw that Sam looked completely perplexed in his seat.

"Sam, what just happened?"

"Nothing. Just the case. Callen… can't figure the Grandma out." Sam said, deciding he would cover for Callen for now. He was hoping he could get G to open up to him even if he refused to talk to Nate because he was seriously concerned for his partner.

"Sam, if there is something going on, you need to tell me. I only want to help him." Nate gently reminded him. "If I have to, I will go to Hetty, but I don't want to do that." Nate felt bad for Sam; he was stuck between loyalty to his friend and his job. "If Callen is putting himself in danger by becoming too emotionally involved in this case, it is your job to tell me. You wouldn't be betraying him; you'd be helping him."

"Just give me some time, Nate. Maybe he will be more willing to talk to me. You and I are on the same side here. We both want what's best for him." Sam said, trying not to sound defensive. But, in the end, just gave up and walked out—although he did so a little more gracefully than Callen.

Now, Nate was standing in Eagle's Nest amid the background noise of computers and Eric typing. He was thinking. He just didn't get it. Callen's reluctance to talk about things was certainly nothing new, but was he really so stubborn in the aftermath of Keelson that he would put himself and others in danger because he was unwilling to let his friends help him? It just didn't fit. He may be closed off, but Callen wasn't stupid, and he really cared about his NCIS family.

All these analyses were getting Nate nowhere. He exhaled. What he really needed to be working on was how to actually get Callen to open up to him.

"The only way I'm going to get Callen to open up is if I hold him down and use a knife." Nate chuckled under his breath quietly, exiting Eagle's Nest.

Behind him, Eric raised an eyebrow.

* * *

Down in the Bull Pen, Callen was sitting at his desk furiously researching his case, going back over evidence, and looking for anything that could be a lead pointing away from Reggie's Grandmother. He just couldn't accept that and old widow like Mrs. Caroline was capable of murder.

His ringing phone interrupted his thoughts. He looked down at his Caller ID and saw that it was his prime suspect on the other line.

"Hello?" Callen answered his phone, and, for once, he didn't have to act like he was grieving: he really was upset.

"Oh, Michael, dear, this is Mrs. Caroline." The frail sound of grief on the other side of the phone just reinforced Callen's belief that this woman was incapable of murder. "I was wondering if you'd like to come over for tea later and talk about Reggie. There are so many things I don't understand about how he died… I didn't know if you had any answers…"

"I'd like that." Callen answered her readily. "I don't know if I know much more than you do, but, perhaps if we talk about it, some of the pieces will start to fall into place for me." This was the first honest thing Callen had told the woman. And getting away from everyone for a little while sounded... safer.

He and Ms. Caroline smoothed out the details and Callen hung up his phone.

"G?" Sam asked lowly as he came over to his desk. "Look man, I wasn't trying to offend you back there. You're my friend and I care about you. I just wanted you to know… I'm here if you need me."

"Right now, I need you to help me with this case. That's it. Okay?" Callen knew he was being sharper than necessary, but he felt like he was sitting on the edge of a cliff and Sam was about to push him off. He hated not being in control; especially of his own emotions.

Just then, Kensi walked into the Bull Pen. "Hey, Callen. How's the case going?"

"Great, Kens. I was just about to head out to the Grandmother's house again and see if Michael could get some background on this Reggie kid."

Sam didn't miss the way Callen spoke of Caroline Wood as if she was someone who didn't matter, when, just minutes ago, he talked about her like someone who did. It was unusual for Callen to lie to Kensi. And it worried Sam more.

With that, Callen got up and walked out of the OSP office.


	3. Chapter 3:Consequences of Denial

**Thank you for all the reviews and story alerts! They made me a very happy person :), and I apologize for disappearing a taking so long to update, I got caught up in the hustle and bustle of summer and just never got around to it. I can't promise it won't happen again, but I will try harder in the future.**

**Super special thanks to my beta, angelprincesslilac, because I wouldn't of even made it this far without all of her encouragement and she makes these chapters so much easier to read!**

Chapter 3: Consequences of Denial

He blinked his eyes and took a breath. He really was too tired for this. Callen stood at the door of the old, yellow, Victorian house, trying to muster the desire to knock and slip further into his alias. For some reason, he was struggling to become Michael Walker, lost in his own thoughts as G Callen. This used to be easy…

The door suddenly opened from the inside.

He was a little taken aback. "Ms. Caroline… I'm sorry, I was just…"

"It's alright, dear, I understand how much you must be hurting right now. This can't be easy for you." She smiled warmly. "I want you to feel comfortable being around here. Please, come in and make yourself at home."

Callen kept telling himself that he didn't feel drawn to this woman, to the lifestyle she represented, that he was just doing what was necessary to solve the case, but he knew that wasn't true. He loved everything about the way this woman treated him like a son and tried to coddle him. He would give anything for this to have been his childhood, and was it so wrong to jump at the opportunity to experience what life should have been like? He pushed the thoughts to the back of his weary mind and stepped over the threshold into the fairytale house; stepping into the perfect world, where the fairy godmother offered to grant his heart's desire, and forgetting. Forgetting Keelson. Forgetting Amy. Forgetting it was time for psych evaluations. Forgetting his past. And, momentarily, forgetting the reason he was here was to solve the mystery that had turned this dream into a nightmare.

* * *

Nate entered Eagle's Nest and looked around. Only Eric was in the room, every single screen in use, combing through clues for at least three cases at the same time. Nate came closer to him and asked, "Where is Callen, and when is he going to be back?" Nate tried to keep his voice calm and in control, but he was certain that Eric might be able to detect the edge in it.

Eric, luckily, was distracted by the screen he was sitting in front of, typing quickly. He answered without looking at him. "He's out in the field. Undercover. Extracting valuable information from a suspect."

"And, by that, Eric, you mean…?"

"He's having tea with Caroline Wood, Reggie's grandmother." Eric smiled as he continued staring at the screen. "I'm not going to lie, though; I think he's getting attached to the old lady. You should hear how he talks about her." Eric gave a short laugh at the end of his statement, finding it humorous.

Nate didn't find it one bit funny, but he offered Eric a half-smile to keep things light.

"Eric, can you pull up the audio on Callen's cell so we stream the interview?" Nate asked slowly. He put his hands in his jean pockets to keep them from showing how uncomfortable he was at asking this. He hated invading Callen's privacy, especially on a case, but he needed to know if Callen was okay, or if all of the warning signals he was getting were the real deal. Callen raising his voice at Sam had been out-of-character for him, and Nate had a feeling that was only the beginning.

Eric finally looked away from his computer screen and looked at him nonchalantly, eyes holding a hint of questioning. "I can, but don't we need clearance from Hetty? Is there any particular reason you need it?"

"I have clearance." Nate lied, feeling guilty instantly. He was pulling off of Hetty's order yesterday to not let any of the Team dodge psych evals this time around. It was still a lie. He hurried on, "Callen asked me to do a psych analysis on the grandmother." Another lie. Callen hadn't asked for his help on this case, at all. The guilt doubled. Nate couldn't remember the last time he'd lied to someone. He promised himself that he would go back and apologize later, especially if he turned out to be wrong.

"Okay then," Eric said a little suspiciously. He typed a bit, pulling up the audio on Callen's phone and was about to put on a pair of headphones, but Nate interrupted him.

"Um, I think Hetty needs you downstairs, I can handle this." Nate said, quietly. At Eric's quizzical look, Nate built on the story to get Eric out of Eagle's Nest: "I forgot to tell you."

The look on Eric's face spoke of knowing that he was being dismissed so the Psychologist could listen to the iPhone feed privately. Mercifully, he went with it. "Okay…" Eric stood. He glanced around. "Well then… I'll… go check it out." Eric left Eagle's Nest.

Nate watched him leave, chest hurting because of the web of lies he had just spun, but comforting himself that it would be set right soon. He sat down at Eric's just vacated position and put on the headset, tuning in to Callen's private undercover life.

"_Have a seat, Michael. Would you like some tea and cookies?"_ An elderly woman's voice. Nate indentified the voice as Ms. Wood.

"_Thanks, Ms. Caroline. I'd love some. Do you need any help with that?"_ Callen's voice sounded genuine, which confused Nate. Not many people would notice the subtle differences between his acting vocal tones and his honest, real voice, but that was Nate's job, so he noticed.

Sam and Eric are right, Nate thought to himself. Callen is emotionally involved in this case and it's too late to stop it.

All the Psychologist would be able to do is pick up the pieces when things fell apart for the expert, stonewalling Agent. Nate felt anxious deep inside, knowing that the "fall apart" moment would be here sooner than later.

Nate heard kitchen sounds and then a little bit of laughter. It sounded like they were preparing the tea. Nate hadn't heard Callen laugh like that with someone before. He rarely laughed while he was with his team, settling for his easy and confident smile, or smirk. Nate couldn't believe how attached Callen was; it sounded as if he was actually becoming his alias. He heard them leave the kitchen and go into another room. Probably the living room or a sitting room and sit down.

"_So, you wanted to talk about Reggie?"_ Callen asked quietly.

"_Yes, I thought maybe you and I would both feel… better… with a little more closure. Honestly, now that Reggie is gone, I've been feeling a little lonely… You did say your job is to look after me… You seem like a good young man… I thought maybe you could use some emotional support as well…" _

The old woman sounded genuine, which Nate understood, what he didn't understand was why Callen sounded exactly the same:

"_You know, I never knew my family."_ Callen said softly. His statement shocked Nate. He may have been undercover, but he was being honest. _"I grew up in foster care; I don't really know how this family thing works."_

This was dangerous. Callen wasn't being his normal, secretive self, and it worried Nate more as each second passed. Six short weeks ago, getting Callen to say anything like this would've been impossible, much less while undercover! Nate realized how right he was to pay attention to the warning signals.

"I _knew there was something drawing me to you, Michael."_ The old woman responded, gently. _"We are both alone here… We need each other." _

Ms. Wood's voice seemed relieved at the idea that she was not the only one feeling alone, but, the problem was, so did Callen's.

"_It… feels good to know you're not alone in the world." _

Nate just didn't get it. Among all the warning signs that Callen was emotionally involved, he wasn't even focusing on the case. What was Callen doing?

Almost as if reading Nate's thoughts, Callen seemed to catch himself. _"I'm sorry. We aren't here to talk about me. You invited me over to talk about Reggie."_

"_It's quite alright, dear. Now that you're here, I am not sure I am ready for it quite yet... How about we talk about you? I guess I would like to get to know you better." _

Nate almost fell out of his chair. Why did nobody listen to him after the Keelson post-op evaluation when he told them Callen wasn't ready for this? Callen could blow this op before they ever learned anything! And, even if he didn't, he was putting himself in jeopardy by not keeping his barriers up. Nate exhaled. He was taking this to Hetty, and then to Vance if need be. They would listen to him until Callen had time to heal. It was simply too soon.

"_Well, honestly, I don't know much about my past."_ Callen said, simply. Nate begged him mentally to stop talking about himself before he said something that would make him extremely venerable before this woman. _"I was never adopted. The foster care system was it. That's why I joined the military."_ Callen was being honest with her, and it was scaring Nate.

The Psychologist was glad he was listening, as invasive as it was, because now he knew the warning signals had been correct. Callen would find that he couldn't avoid him any longer. He and the Senior Agent in Charge were going to have a lengthy session, and now he had the leverage to force him to do it.

"_You poor thing. No wonder you connected with Reggie so well… You both had such rough childhoods."_

"_Reggie never really talked about his childhood, but then again… neither did I." _

Nate shook his head slowly to himself.

* * *

Callen sat forward a little in the armchair in Ms. Caroline's living room as she looked down at her hands. She was sitting on the end of her cream-colored, antique couch, nearest to him.

"Well now, let me see…" She began, "Both of his parents died when he was seven. That's when he came to live with me. We had always been close… Reggie was a socially awkward child… We became even closer because of that... He came to me about everything. He thought of me more as a mother than as a grandmother."

Callen listened ruefully. It must've been nice for Reggie to have someone who wanted him around. That was something he had no childhood experience with as far as adults were concerned. "It must have been nice for him to have you around for support. Do you know why he joined the military?" Callen asked. He was trying to be gentle, and not to pry, but he desperately needed answers if he hoped to solve this case and prove that this woman had been framed.

"His father had been an officer in the Marines. Reggie wanted to follow in his footsteps… He wanted to make him proud." Tears started to form at the corners of her eyes and Callen felt a tugging at his heart of guilt for forcing her to do this. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "I still can't imagine why anyone would kill him, other than because of his position in the military… I always assumed if that happened it would be in Iraq..."

Callen was a little taken aback. The way she was talking, it sounded as if she knew about Reggie's involvement with Intel, which just didn't make sense. No one was supposed to know about that outside of the military—not even family. It was just as much to protect them from attack as it was to protect information they carried. "What do you mean by his position?" Callen asked in confusion, not having to fake it, at all; his mind suddenly was reeling with hundreds of new possibilities this little bit of information had created.

"Oh dear, I shouldn't of said that. Reggie told me never to say anything to anyone… but… now that he's gone, and since you worked with him… Sorry, dear. It just slipped out." She looked genuinely sorry.

The smallest bit of doubt came up as he looked at her hazel eyes. He viciously pushed it back. He refused to accept this hurting woman was involved in the murder of her grandson. He was angry with himself for the moment of doubting her. She was watching him, waiting for his reply. He didn't want to ask questions anymore, especially not the ones that would possibly hurt her more, but he had to stay focused on the case. So, he asked, "Did you ever mention his position to anyone else?"

"Why, no! That'd just be foolish." There was a strange spark in her eyes that something inside of Callen recognized. She was offended that he thought she might be carelessly spreading secrets.

Callen felt his stomach tighten. He didn't need Nate to know she was lying. He could tell by the abruptness of her response and the lack of thought put into it. She had told someone else what her grandson did. The doubt sprang back up inside him. Why would she lie?

Ms. Caroline was speaking again. "He never told me any details about his projects, not that it would have made a difference… I don't have anyone to tell…" And, with that, she broke down and started crying. "… I'm sorry, Michael," She sniffled, "Maybe… you should leave… I think I need some time…"

Callen was completely lost with his dedication to her innocence. Something wasn't right. Her behavior toward him changed so suddenly when he'd started to ask questions, and her tears seemed forced. He was starting to seriously doubt her innocence, and was shocked by how much that hurt him. "Okay… Just… Call me if you need anything." Callen said with a fake reassuring tone before getting up and leaving.

* * *

Callen got into his car, and just sat for a minute, fighting off a feeling he didn't understand. There were tears forming at the corners of his eyes, and he couldn't stop them. He had enough sense to drive away from Ms. Caroline's home and park a few blocks away on a deserted street before being overrun with thoughts and tears.

This wasn't supposed to be the ending this time. He thought to himself. Ms. Caroline wasn't the killer! She loved Reggie, didn't she? Was it always the same? Amy and he had had parents once upon a time. And one of them was possibly alive still. All of the stories that he had concocted to bring him cold comfort in the past had been utterly destroyed when he saw where his big sister had been buried, and read the note that was at her headstone. Now he was back to the original thought he had thought as a lost seven-year-old: what kind of awful, messed-up people put their kids in orphanages or allowed them to be taken away by force? Life was supposed to be different. Fairytale families were supposed to happen! Like Ms. Caroline and Reggie. A grandmother who _fought_ for her grandson and gave him a home… But now what? She was a liar? Hiding something? Possibly even covering up the death of her grandson? Did she betray him to someone dangerous? Betrayal. Being betrayed. Callen felt nauseous. Was it destiny? That Reggie was betrayed by someone who loved him? What about Amy? And what about him? Destined for what? The only thing he could come up with was to be alone, no parents, no family, and no one who cared around. He truly was destined to be alone. To be a ghost. Like his big sister. Unwanted.

When Callen got to the last thought, he broke down.

_Unwanted. _

* * *

Nate still had the audio activated on Callen's iPhone. Once he heard the tears start flowing, and Callen's choking sobs, Nate immediately called Sam and sent him to go find Callen.

This is what he'd been afraid of. Callen had been pushing his emotions back, so hard, for so long, that they were all surfacing now and Callen had no way of dealing with them.

About an hour and a half later, Nate heard an argument going on downstairs.

"And we're back to the beginning! What gave you the right, Sam? You could have blown my cover!"

Definitely Callen.

"G, what has gotten into you? You need help man, just admit it." Sam sounded a little calmer than Callen, but was still pretty on edge.

Nate jumped out of his chair and jogged halfway down the stairs in time to see Callen throw a punch at a wall and storm out. Nate came down the rest of the stairs taking inventory on who around the office had just witnessed that. Luckily, it seemed that half of the office was taking their lunch late. A few techs were looking downstairs from archives, and Mr. Wilson, Hetty's right-hand man in wardrobe, had poked his head out from his work area. Sam was standing near the hallway that led to the front door, hands on his hips, breathing hard. Nate walked over to Sam and stood beside him silently, waiting for Sam to calm down enough to talk to him.

After a few moments, Nate finally asked, "Sam, what just happened?"

He noticed that Sam was just staring ahead. Nate turned to see what he was looking at. There was a crack in the stucco wall, a crack that had blood around it. Callen had split his hand punching the wall.

"My office, now." Nate said gently. When Sam seemed to hesitate, he said a little firmer, "Sam, if you don't come with me now and tell me everything that just happened, I will take this straight to Vance, and you won't have to worry about protecting Callen, because he may not have a job."

Sam hesitated a moment longer and then followed Nate into his office. Nate closed the door.

"Nate, I'm making this clear right now. I may know things, and I may not, but whatever I tell you will stay between the two of us. I am not going to hurt Callen anymore than I already have."

"Okay." Nate nodded, sighing. "I will keep this conversation between us. I am going to trust you on this one, Sam. Help me help Callen." Nate looked at him with his tense, I'm-trying-to-help half-smile.

Sam let out a small "hnn" sound and shook his head, agreeing finally.

Sam motioned with one hand at Nate's office chairs. "You may want to sit down for this one, Nate."


	4. Chapter 4:The Snapping Point

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while, I just got carried away with enjoying my summer, and didn't spend a whole lot of time writing. Enjoy :)

Chapter 4:The Snapping Point

"Alright, Sam. Fill me in." Nate said.

Sam sighed. "He was all teary-eyed when I came up to his car. We're talking _really_ upset. When he saw it was me, he got all defensive, asking what I was doing there... I told him I was his ride back to the office. He surrendered a lot faster than I figured he would and got into my car. On the way back, he was really quiet and refused to look at me. When G's really upset, he gets quiet. You know that." Sam motioned with a hand at Nate. He inhaled and exhaled going deeper into the memory of their conversation.

_Sam looked over at his partner, who was visibly upset about something. He wanted to pry and know exactly what was going inside Callen. But that was hostile territory, Sam knew, and if he went there, it could be bad. He understood that about G. Why G always chose to bottle everything up inside, he understood, too. Quite simply, there was no safety in G's mind associated with sharing; bad things happened when he lowered his shields. Sam understood his partner's need for privacy. Callen was so used to being alone for so many years that his default setting was _always_ going to be secrecy. And Sam knew that G was in pain over a lot more than had occurred just within the last few weeks. He knew. But, how bad? And over what? _

_Sam couldn't stop himself from asking the question as he drove, "This is about Amy, isn't it?"_

_Callen responded with a shorter fuse than Sam expected. _

_"Who?" He glared at Sam, some wetness still on his face from his earlier tears. "Amy doesn't exist. Just like I don't exist. How can this be about someone who doesn't exist?"_

_Sam didn't like G's response, so he pressed back, "You need to talk to me then-what's going on? You've been off since the whole mess with Keelson..."_

_Sam gave Callen a minute to respond, but G refused to say anything, becoming silent, turning to look out his window, away from Sam._

_The bigger agent exhaled. "Come on, man. You know that post-op eval with Nate? It was supposed to help."_

_"Well, it didn't, alright?" Callen spat, looking back at his partner. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." G breathed out angrily and turned away again, trying frantically to get to a point where he could calm down._

_Sam saw the effort. He didn't want to push anymore for a way into G's pain-filled mind, knowing he would hurt G if he continued to, but he knew his partner needed to air something. Callen was self-destructing by not allowing himself to._

_"So." Sam said lowly, "This _is_ about Amy."_

_Next to him, G didn't move but to clench his jaw. Sam could see the muscles working as he forced himself to stare out his window and not respond to Sam._

_"G, don't do this to me... This is about more than just the case, and you know it!"_

_Callen didn't move, acting like he wasn't hearing Sam, even though the dark-skinned agent knew he had heard every word. G was barely breathing, holding his breath for long periods of time, and he was clenching and unclenching his jaw. Sam was getting frustrated. This was the rare, child-like resistance that Callen put up to protect himself. Sam had only seen it once before. But that time, he hadn't been on the receiving end. Now he was, and he didn't like it. _

_Sam shot a look at the back of G's head. "Don't shut down on me, man. I will not hesitate to-"_

_"To what, Sam?" Callen swung back to him, tone dangerous. "Rip the answers you want out of me with your bare hands?"_

_"G—"_

_"Seriously, I don't get you, Sam." G's voice became hurtful, his eyes narrowing. "Why do you even care? No one else ever has!"_

_Sam shook his head. "You don't really mean that."_

_G retreated back into his frustrated, angry, pain-filled silence for the last five minutes of the trip._

_Sam pulled the Challenger into the NCIS parking area, bringing the car to a halt._

_Sam tried again, gently. "Talk to me, G. What's really going on?"_

_Callen tapped his hand on the door armrest, looking away. The movements from him made Sam think he'd finally gotten through to Callen._

_G, still looking out the window, said quietly, "Sam, I appreciate what you're trying to do... But, leave me alone." With the last two words, G opened the car door and got out, surprising Sam. He slammed the door and moved away quickly towards headquarters. _

_Sam's anger built as he got out of the car and chased after him, calling his name._

Sam returned to the present, staring at Nate from where he sat across from him. "You saw what he did to the wall. I've never seen G like this before, Nate. I don't know what all is going on with him, but… I'm worried."

Nate nodded slowly. He had known that Callen was in trouble, but he'd never have guessed how badly the agent was hurting. To tell his best friend that no one cared? To say that his sister didn't exist? That _he_ didn't exist? It indicated an intense internal pain that was probably combining stress, confusion, and depression to create reactions that Callen was less and less able to control... But, even with all of that, there had to be something that he was missing. _What happened this afternoon that pushed Callen over the edge?_ He wondered. He realized that if the agent hadn't dealt with that "something" that had pushed him over, perhaps another reaction, another breakdown, might be imminent… and it might be way worse this time.

Suddenly, the idea of Callen being left alone didn't sound so good.

"Sam…" Nate asked in agitation. "Where is Callen?"

Sam shrugged. "I'm not sure. He needed time to cool off."

Nate felt his heart speed up. They needed to locate Callen. He stood up and headed for Eagle's Nest, Sam trailing behind him a little confused.

When they got to Eagle's Nest, Nate again requested that Eric activate the audio on Callen's cell phone, which Eric did without anymore question then a raised eyebrow.

"Is this how you knew what was up with G earlier?" Sam asked, realization finally hitting him, and becoming surprised that the Doc had gone to such lengths to keep tabs on his partner.

"Yes, and I know I am invading his privacy and you probably don't approve, but I am seriously concerned about Callen. So you can either grab a headset and give me a hand, or you can join Eric downstairs." Nate accompanied his last statement with a warning glance at Eric, who took the hint and left the room looking only slightly dejected.

It only took Sam a moment to decide that the time for respecting Callen's privacy had passed, and he grabbed a headset, joining Nate.

Neither of them expected the voice they heard chatting with Callen.

* * *

"I must admit, Michael, after this afternoon, I wasn't expecting to see you again today..." The elderly woman said, cooing kindly. "I apologize for being so emotional earlier… It's just all so much for me right now… I know it must be for you, too, considering how close you were."

Callen looked at her, playing with the Challenger keys as he took in the look in her clear eyes. He saw that she was gauging all his reactions. Sizing him up again. Trying to sound like she trusted him, even though the way she looked at him said she didn't. After what had happened earlier, he wasn't all too shocked at the feeling of distrust that was rising up in him. What did catch him off guard was how much her sudden weariness of him stung. He'd felt betrayal before. It was an everyday hazard in his line of work. This time, however, he was horrified to realize that he _cared_. He cared that she had lied. Lied to him and lied to Reggie. A flashback thickly descended on him of a small flower card, the message written out: _To my Darling Daughter, Always In My Heart._ It was another stab of a knife through his heart, just as deep as before, nearly too painful to bear. He held his breath without realizing it. The thoughts that had clouded his mind for the past few weeks returned to overwhelm him for a few long moments. _They were supposed to love us, fight for us, keep us… _want_ us. Now she's dead and I might as well be. Parents are a joke. Family is the stupidest thing on this planet! _Even as the words ripped through him for the hundredth time, the brokenness inside him reached for the idea of someone who wanted him. Family was the one thing the deepest, darkest, most secretive part of him longed for, and he _hated_ himself for that.

"Michael?" Ms. Caroline's voice pulled him back. "Are you… okay?"

Callen recovered himself enough to step back into Michael's shoes. "Um. I'm sorry." He took a breath and rubbed his forehead with a hand. "I was just… remembering."

Ms. Caroline nodded once. Then she tilted her head. "I do that a lot, too, dear."

Callen realized with her continued kindness to him, that he needed to be absolutely certain that this woman was involved Reggie's death. His logic was telling him that her lies didn't mean that she was responsible for her grandson's death. Callen didn't know exactly what to say. His emotions were so out of control that he wasn't thinking clearly. All he needed to do is find out who she told, he finally decided. He could go from there in the future.

"Ms. Caroline… I was thinking about how you said telling anyone else would be foolish…" Callen began, recalling her earlier words, and trying to concoct a scenario that would get her to talk about the subject more. "What about sharing with people who would be able to protect Reggie? Say, if I had been around? Would you have told me if you thought he was in danger?"

Ms. Caroline looked a bit confused. "Well, I suppose if it had been you, and you were able to protect Reggie… But when he talked about his work, I knew I wasn't supposed to know any of it, or speak of it. Top secret is top secret, of course. But again, what harm could I really do? I'm just an old woman."

_Wait… Reggie talked about his work?_ Callen wondered at what she was saying, still trying to get his head together and stop the pounding of his heart. He continued to play Michael as well as he could, explaining to her, "Ms. Caroline, it isn't so much what you would do with top secret information, but more to protect you from people who would do anything to get their hands on the information that Reggie knew." Callen knew he was crossing the line, giving out more information than he needed to, but he needed to know what Ms. Caroline knew.

"Is that why you're here?" Ms. Caroline asked, voice suddenly harsh. "To protect me from people who might want his top secret information? Or, did you want to know what it was for yourself?" She crossed her arms and squeezed tight. "Do you know more about this than you're telling me, Michael? Do you know what he did for the Military?" Ms. Caroline's abrupt, rude manner made Callen fight not to throw up all his defenses and reply in the same way. It was making his head swim. Warnings were going off in his mind over this whole situation, but he brushed them aside, attributing them to the emotional roller coaster he'd been on for the past few weeks.

"Yes, I worked with Reggie." Callen told her, voice truthfully uncertain. "And yes, I know what he was working on… But as for what is going on right now, why he was murdered… I don't know. I'm… a little bit confused…"

A thoughtful look crossed her wrinkled face. "Michael, I think you should see something." She said, her tone softer, which was a tremendous relief to Callen.

He calmed himself down, insisting to himself that he was overreacting, and stood to follow her.

* * *

Fortunately for Callen, his clouded judgment was duly noted by the two sitting back at headquarters.

From the start, Nate had known something was out of whack. This woman, who had appeared genuine and loving at first, was beginning to turn into some sort of mystery, a puzzle that had Nate's head spinning in circles. Her mood kept changing, she was defensive and on edge, much like Callen, except her behavior was pointing toward secrecy and guilt, whereas Callen was behaving in confusion and pain. Nate became even more worried. This woman was up to something. They had to get Callen out of there.

Nate turned to Sam. "Something isn't right. Go get Callen… Now!"

Sam was surprised at the anxiety in Nate's raised voice. When he realized how serious the psychologist looked, he removed his earphones and took off down the stairs.

* * *

Once downstairs, Sam was seriously annoyed to discover that his partner had taken the black Challenger without asking. Normally, this would be cause for extreme measures of teaching G a lesson about stealing, but his current worry and concern for Callen overrode his annoyance.

Sam tracked down Kensi Blye and asked her for a ride to his car. She agreed good-naturedly, saying she was on her way home anyway.

On the ride to his Challenger, and G, Kensi made small talk which he responded to without thinking. His thoughts were tense, going in a worried circle. He had felt in the dark from the beginning, when Director Vance assigned Callen the case. Sure, he'd had a basic briefing on the case with everyone else, just in case one of them was needed later, but Callen had taken the entire thing on by himself, getting so wrapped up that he just stopped filling anyone in. That hadn't really bothered Sam until now. He had no idea what he was heading into; it had something to do with the exchange he'd overheard with Nate, but what exactly? He had no idea.

Nothing made sense, the more he thought over it. Callen didn't sound right, at all. His behavior was similar to how he usually was when he was undercover, but it was enough off for Sam to know that G wasn't at the top of his game. And why was Ms. Wood so on edge? She had to be hiding something.

_How could I have let G get so screwed up?_ Sam thought to himself. _He's my partner. And I'm supposed to have his back._

Sam's head was reeling with confusion and guilt when Kensi pulled up in front of the yellow house, right next to the black Challenger. He thanked her for the ride, told her to have a good night and weekend, and that he'd see her on Monday. She smiled, said good-bye and drove off. Dusk was falling and Sam didn't doubt that Kensi had plans for the evening.

Sam turned and looked at the yellow house. It was picturesque and held his partner somewhere inside. He paused momentarily to gather his thoughts, but was interrupted by an ear-piercing shriek coming from inside the house.


End file.
